Over the years, single Christian men and women alike have often asked me, “What should I look for in a future spouse”? Just the mere fact that they are asking this question means they are taking this huge lifetime decision with the seriousness that God and the Scripture requires. In order to answer this all-important question, it is first necessary to understand the Biblical roles of husband and wife. When these God-given roles are properly understood, then a devoted Christian can prayerfully seek God’s guidance and direction in finding that future spouse that God has for them.

 

The God-given roles for husbands and wives that the Scripture outlines for us are called, complementarianism. In the book, Doctrine, Mark Driscoll does an excellent job succinctly summarizing this biblical teaching.

 

“Practically speaking, this biblical teaching does not mean that a husband is in ultimate authority. God is, and other authorities are over the man, such as the state and church governments. Nor does it mean that a wife does not have independent thoughts or seek to influence her husband, or must obey her husband’s command to sin, or is less intelligent or competent than her husband. This does mean that a husband and wife are equal with complementary roles (like a left and right hand that work together, though one is dominant). It does mean that wives are to submit to their husbands like Jesus does to God the Father, that husbands are to lovingly lead their wives as Jesus does the church, that a woman should only marry a man she respects and trusts enough to follow, and that marriage is supposed to reflect something of the Trinity and the gospel, where Jesus pursues us in love and takes responsibility for us as an example to husbands and fathers.”

 

Driscoll goes on to elaborate on how sin has impacted the biblical teaching of husband/wife complementarianism:

 

“Tragically, however, sin has caused much pain and misunderstanding surrounding this teaching, culminating in what some have even called the gender wars or the battle of the sexes. God declared to our first parents that there would be conflict between men and women. God told Eve that rather than trusting and submitting to her husband, she and her daughters since would want to rule over their husbands, like sin sought to rule over Cain (the same language is used to describe both situations).1 For Adam and his sons since, it was promised that everything under their dominion would be cursed and would fight against them; providing for their families would be a cursed experience designed by God to humble men and provide insight into how difficult it is for God to be his head when he is disobedient.2”

 

With the biblical view of complementarianism, a Christian single can now begin to answer several questions when prayerfully considering a future spouse:

Questions a man should ask:

1. Does this woman lovingly respond to my leadership in the relationship?

2. Am I willing to remain teachable and accept God’s design to humble me through the process of being the head in this relationship?

3. Am I willing to lay down my life on a daily basis for this woman just as Christ did for the church?

4. Will I put this woman’s spiritual, physical, emotional and financial health above my own for the rest of my life?

 

 Questions a woman should ask:

1. Will I lovingly submit to this man’s leadership in my life?

2. Are there observable actions in this man’s life of his submission to authority over him (i.e. state, church governments)?

3. Does this man solicit my input before making decisions that affect us as a couple?

4. Do I lovingly respect and trust this man enough to follow his leadership for the rest of my life?

5. Is this man a living example of Christ’s love demonstrated to me (and others) daily?

6. Will this man pursue me in love and take responsibility for me (spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially) in a Christ like way?

 

1Gen. 3:16; 4:7. 2Gen. 3:17–19.

But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you along.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

-Author Unknown

I've been studying on the topic of honor over the last few weeks, and came across this interesting quote from Zig Ziglar:

“There has never been a statue erected to honor a critic.”

I couldn't help but think about the fact that in my own life I have continually found myself drawn to positive and encouraging people. I think all of us enjoy being in the presence of someone who builds us up instead of tearing us down. So if that's the case, why does it seem like positive people are so few? We all like them, but few of us try to be one. I've often said, "It takes no talent to point out the problems in a fallen and imperfect world full of imperfect people". Strangely, many in the Kingdom of God would agree with that statement but their actions would not.

After enjoying a 10 days in Disney World recently, I am once again amazed at what a positive environment Disney has created down in south Florida. But more than amazed, I am deeply challenged as a pastor and church leader that the Kingdom of God deserves nothing less than one experiences in the "Magic Kingdom" of Disney.

So here's my challenge for today: What can you do to make someone's day better and brighter? Maybe it's as easy as telling someone, "I believe in you".

At VALLEY Christian Church, our "Gearing UP for Summer" approach can be summed up in three easy words, Invest, Ingest, and Divest.

INVEST - Whether it's a student "boot camp", Kid's Extreme Week or Summer Study group, we make a focused effort to "Gear UP" our investment in people over the summer months. That is not to say that we don't do that the rest of the year, but the summer seems to have a different feel to it than the rest of the year (especially here in NY where folks are out and about a lot more instead of hibernating in the Winter).

INGEST - This is where we give someone the chance to "own" what they've learned and experienced. This could be through discussion, repetition or sharing their experience with someone else. This is the step where they make it their own.

DIVEST - In this final step, we "give it away" to others. This step is all about delegation! Each year when the summer ends, we expect to have more leaders for students, kids, and small groups. We also expect to have new partners ready to join the VALLEY family and jump into one of the growth environments we've created for them to help cultivate their deepening walk with Christ. At the staff level, we expect to have clearer focus for each ministry in our church and big size goals for the coming year that can only be met through God's grace and our continued commitment to INVEST, INGEST & DIVEST!

During the summer it seems like the pace of things are a little slower and the schedule is a little less cluttered, so why not make the most of it and "gear up" for discipleship? This has been a practice at VALLEY Christian Church for the past few years with amazing fruit! The summer not only finds us kicking off our summer study group (see previous "Gearing UP For Summer -1" post), but we also have an annual staff retreat, Kid's Extreme week, student mission trip and other special opportunities for the VALLEY family while the days are longer and the temp is hotter.

God created the seasons (Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall), and I believe he has a special purpose for our spiritual growth and the spiritual growth of a church in the midst of each season. It's just too easy to fall into the trap of lowering our expectations of what The Almighty has planned and purposed to do because some in the church family are away on vacation or because the kids are out of school.

What would your spiritual life look like if you set some summer goals for your spiritual growth?

What would your church family look like if it held the conviction that by the end of the summer months your church was going to be amazingly different because it made the MOST of the summer and seized these sunny months to grow closer to one another, closer to God and closer to its community?

I don't think God takes a break for the summer and I don't think he needs a vacation. He wants to work in and through you this summer no matter where you are. We're not waiting on Him. He's waiting on us!